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Thread: R.I.P my nearside wiper.

  1. #1
    Regular Member Al 22 dti's Avatar
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    Default R.I.P my nearside wiper.

    yes... its finally died...

    it was a wet and windy night and i stepped into the car for a drive to get my mind of the fact that me and my lover had fallen out....

    i got i the drivers seat and fired the old girl up and set off.... the car was lovely as usual, nice to drive and very sensuous, spacious and full of power and vigour that lifted me out of my stupor almost immediately and instantly making me forget that me and missy had fallen out.

    it was a phenomenal drive until it started to rain and my hand slipped off the steering wheel and i started to feel for the wiper stalk that was just behind it..

    i fumbled for a while as i was slightly panicked as the rain was heavy but then me and the wiper stalk connected and i felt reassured that i was going to have a windscreen that was rain free for the rest of my journey..BUT I WAS WRONG...OH HOW I WAS WRONG..

    i pressed the wiper stalk with the passion that you would only use when you are smashing the back doors in on a tall dark woman called brenda that you have never met before( which was probably a good idea cos she had BO and bad breath), and i expected to hear the solid swish swish that my two throbbing wiper blades make as they forcefully remove the water droplets from my view and then it happened...

    the wiper on my side rampantly ripped across the screen with the power of 20.000 horny horses and flicked the water away with a menacing blast and a groan from its loins
    but the passenger side just laid there.... motionless...DEAD.

    i stopped the car with a fear inside me that only can be described as a fat bloke going to the late night garage and realising that there was no ginsters pies left and only one Xtra low fat ham and mustard sandwich, and i screamed with terror as i looked at my dead wiper and i cried( out of one eye cos im tight) me a river of tears and sobbed for at least 6 minutes.

    so.. i was sat there still trembling with fear i scratched my nadds and reached for my fone and realy wanted to call the missus but she had been having an affair with a one armed bloke called walter that has a limp, a glass eye and a rubber hip that broke my heart so i looked to my beloved vec-c.com website that has been the saviour of my car on many occasion, and proceeded
    to the how2 section where to my delight, i found a how2 that showed me how to bring dear passenger side wiper back to life and i then felt that my life was fulfilled yet again with the power of the vec-c.com website.

    i want to thank you all on the vec-c for your how2's and the wealth of other information and joy that you bring to my heart on a daily basis..

    god bless you all

    alan.

    mmwah
    Last edited by Al 22 dti; 6th May 2011 at 08:48.

  2. #2
    Regular Member si_hoss's Avatar
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    Man them is some mighty fine words right there!!!! That really did make me chuckle all the way through!

  3. #3
    Regular Member DarylAAS's Avatar
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    That was great

    p.s RIP Wiper

  4. #4
    Regular Member Derek Mc's Avatar
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    Brilliant mate, poetry!

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    i am now intrigued no1. did you go back home give the missus a big hug and all is forgiven, or no2. go online type in big brenda and hoped she exists then waited with baited breath for a response

  6. #6
    Regular Member nicj's Avatar
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    Lmao

    Sorry for your loss

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    North Wales - Assistant Regional Organiser
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    Rest in peace passenger side wiper.

    But for the love of God please write more stories. That was brilliant. I do rather hope the arguement with the wifey bit is made up though, and its reasons!

  8. #8
    Regular Member HITFACTORY1403's Avatar
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    Default .

    Dan Brown and jilly Cooper have nowt on you ...

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