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Thread: Random funnies new or maybe reposts but hey!!

  1. #1
    Regular Member Derek Mc's Avatar
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    Default Random funnies new or maybe reposts but hey!!

    I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was
    standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3
    hours later and they're still walking about with it...
    I thought to myself, these blokes have lost the plot!!


    I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check
    her balance.
    Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.


    A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused
    permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
    A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai
    Would not understand the humour,
    but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'


    My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our
    local pet shop and they were £70!!!
    B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.


    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, 'I want something waterproof and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
    about 3 seconds.'
    I bought her bathroom scales.


    Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their
    new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it....
    I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead.


    Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
    "What's the matter?" I asked.
    "I've got the big C,"he said.
    "What, cancer?"
    "No, dyslexia."


    I start a new job in Seoul next week.
    I thought it was a good Korea move.


    I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs.
    The birds love it!


    I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was
    sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
    I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.


    On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking
    Doctor' -
    I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'

  2. #2
    Regular Member farley2708's Avatar
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    nice mate..................................hard to beat a good giggle first thing in the morning,loving the dwarf statistic...................can just picture jimmy carr tellin it
    Last edited by farley2708; 23rd April 2011 at 09:35. Reason: cant spell this early in the mornin!!!

  3. #3
    Forum Moderator soulman's Avatar
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    oh well thanks for that ...really brightened up my day

  4. #4
    Regular Member HITFACTORY1403's Avatar
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    thanks Derek , nowt like a good chuckle in the morning ,,,

    i might have to copy and paste some of them on facebook ,,

    i await your plagiarism law suit ......... L.O.L.

  5. #5
    Regular Member HITFACTORY1403's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HITFACTORY1403 View Post
    thanks Derek , nowt like a good chuckle in the morning ,,,

    i might have to copy and paste some of them on facebook ,,

    i await your plagiarism law suit ......... L.O.L.
    just realised , by re-posting some of your jokes on facebook ,,

    i am helping the country as the government and councils want us to do ...

    as it will be classed as RE-CYCLING ..... l.o.l.

  6. #6
    Regular Member Derek Mc's Avatar
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    You re-cycle them all you like mate I did

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    Very funny.

    Gazza4

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