Glasgow Boys join Ferrari.
"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Glasgow youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Castlemilk were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the Glasgow pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.
Mike and Jim were a couple of drinking pals who worked as aircraft mechanics at Glasgow Airport. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Mike said, "Jeez, I wish we had something to drink!".
Jim says, "Me as weel. Y'ken, I've heard ye can swallie jet fuel an' get a buzz. Ye gonnae try it?
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane hootch and get completely smashed. The next morning Mike wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how dae ye feel this mornin'?"
Mike says, "Brilliant! Whit aboot yersel'?"
Jim says, "Ah feel great, tae. Dae ye hiv a sair heid?"
Mike says, "Naw, that jet fuel is great stuff - nae hangover, nothin'. We need tae drink this stuff insteed o' Smirnoff."
"Aye! But there's just wan thing..."
"Huv ye farted yet?"
"Well, DINNAE, 'cause ah'm in Dusseldorf!"