Out and about in my Signum this lunchtime, the temperature on the car's dash said -2 celcius, and it was snowing, so I was driving carefully. All of a sudden a Vec-B estate comes hurtling out of a side road from my left and cuts in front of me, requiring me to brake sharply to avoid hitting him. What a moron, I think to myself, you deserve a flash of my headlights. He reacts to that by giving me the finger, so I do the same to him. But it turns out that he can't take it as well as he can dish it out, as my gesture clearly upsets him and I can see him jumping around in his seat and waving his arms around in anger.
A few hundred yards along and we come to a roundabout, and he does the predictable thing - jumps out of his car, comes over to mine and starts yelling at me "Whyyou****inggivemethefingerWhyyou****inggivemethe fingerWhyyou****inggivemethefinger!!!!!". "Because you drive like an idiot" I reply. Again being thoroughly predictable he starts trying to open my driver's door (like I'm going to leave it unlocked, you idiot) and when he can't open it he starts the "Come on then come on then!!" act.
Now, I'm sure he's done this many times before, and he probably enjoys the reaction he usually gets, of people cowering down in the driver's seat and pleading with him to get back in his car and leave them alone. Well I don't do that - if I was going to do that, I wouldn't/shouldn't have flashed my lights at him in the first place. Maybe my lack of a panicked reaction surprises him and partly causes what he does next, I don't know, so your guess is as good as mine.
I start to reach into my left inner breast pocket in my coat, intending to get my mobile out and record him doing his angry monkey act. At this point, I don't know if the act of filming him will make him worry about incriminating himself, or if it will come in handy in proving to the police that I was justified in beating seven bells out of him, if that's what it escalates to.
The problem is, I'm wearing my winter coat, which I'm unfamiliar with, and it takes me a good 10 seconds of fumbling around inside my coat to locate the zip on the pocket where my phone is (not helped by the seatbelt pressing against it). Angrymonkeyman suddenly stops waving his arms about and stares at my arm which is still tucked inside my coat, and the look of anger on his face disappears and is replaced by what looks like fear. Then he runs back to his car (and I mean runs) and drives around the roundabout, and heads off back in the direction we've just come from. All this time I'm still sitting stationary, my hand still trying to unzip the inner breast pocket. His sudden departure puzzles me for a few seconds, before it dawns on me.....Ohhhhhhh.....he thought I was going to pull out a gun and shoot him.....pmsl. Like I said, you coudln't make it up if you tried.