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Thread: The squirrel and the grasshopper

  1. #1
    Regular Member bruceybonus's Avatar
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    Default The squirrel and the grasshopper

    REST OF THE WORLD VERSION
    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
    building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
    winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances
    and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and
    well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he
    dies out in the cold.

    THE END

    THE BRITISH VERSION:
    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
    building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
    grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
    summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
    A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
    conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed
    to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the
    grasshopper,are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
    The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in
    a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to
    suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace,
    Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in
    front of the squirrel's house.
    The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with
    breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall
    Overcome"; Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor
    McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of
    grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike
    on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
    In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
    Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act,
    are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire
    grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and
    an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the
    grasshopper did not want to work.


    The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
    furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can
    be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the
    more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
    Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
    newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and
    start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old
    home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats
    who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport
    because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

    The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
    hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released
    because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

    A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of
    the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the
    council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
    bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
    Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug
    'illness'.

    The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
    since arrival in the UK. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
    released immediately because he has been in custody for a few
    weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.
    Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

    A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and
    state the obvious, is set up.
    Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme
    for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum
    seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the
    government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

    The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
    press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
    causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
    experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

    The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
    infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice
    in the United Kingdom.

    The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
    bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an
    additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

  2. #2
    Ex Vec-C Admin ed taylor's Avatar
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    Default

    That just about sums up this country ...............

  3. #3
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    Default

    Too true - I daren't even get started on this one!!!

  4. #4
    Regular Member bruceybonus's Avatar
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    Default

    isnt it just!

  5. #5
    Vectra-C Obsessed Poster Drinky's Avatar
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    Default

    Absolutely spot on and dont it make scary reading even as a joke !!!!!!!

    Back in a V6 !!!!!!!!!!!! And lovin it !!!

  6. #6
    Ex Vec-C Admin & Founder GARY3306's Avatar
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    Default

    .....and Now It's Bl66dy Raining, Aaaaaarrrrgghhh!!!!!
    [SIGPIC]VX<font color=Red>R</font> with added Courtenay <img src=https://www.vectra-c.com/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.png border=0 alt= title=Big Grin class=inlineimg />

  7. #7
    Vectra-C Obsessed Poster Drinky's Avatar
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    Getting used to it raining now Gary it's not stopped here for 3 DAYS !!!!!!!

    Back in a V6 !!!!!!!!!!!! And lovin it !!!

  8. #8
    Regular Member Ian's Avatar
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    too bl00dy true, too bl00dy true. Good post BB - we should send it off to the government with the title - THIS is how the voting public feel!

  9. #9
    Regular Member AndrewTi's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ed taylor
    That just about sums up this country ...............

    Yep. As per The Sun a little while ago stated, could the last person to leave please switch off the lights?

    I won't be the last!

  10. #10
    Ex Vec-C Admin ed taylor's Avatar
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    Vehicle : Vectra Estate

    Trim : Elite

    Engine : 3.2 V6

    Year : 04

    Mileage : 000

    Default

    Yet a lot of east europeans want to come here , it makes you think what it must be like to live in their country then.......

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