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Thread: 2 minute management course

  1. #1
    Regular Member Spikeyİ's Avatar
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    Default 2 minute management course

    Lesson One
    An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
    A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
    nothing?"
    The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
    All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


    Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
    very, very high up.
    --------------------------------------------------------------



    Lesson Two
    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
    top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
    "They're packed with nutrients."
    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
    strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating
    some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night,
    the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
    He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

    Management Lesson: Bull sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
    you there.
    --------------------------------------------------------------



    Lesson Three
    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird
    froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
    While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
    As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
    how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
    warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
    A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the
    sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
    dug him out and ate him.



    Management Lesson:
    (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
    (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
    (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
    This ends your two minute management course, thank-you for taking part, and
    have a great day!

  2. #2
    Regular Member Caterman's Avatar
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    Default

    Just cheered me up no end Neil

  3. #3
    Regular Member rushy's Avatar
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    Very good mate, very good!

  4. #4
    Regular Member david173's Avatar
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    I read this too ages ago and saved it, had a few more good ones on it though:

    Corporate Lesson 1:

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
    "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

    Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

    Corporate Lesson 2:

    A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

    Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

    Corporate Lesson 3:

    A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
    Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the
    office after lunch."

    Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

  5. #5
    Regular Member jonno_07's Avatar
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    Default

    both very funny

  6. #6
    Regular Member Spikeyİ's Avatar
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    Nice one David was going to post them too later lol

  7. #7
    Regular Member david-bell's Avatar
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    good one neil lol

  8. #8
    Ex-Staff Full Member Ian T's Avatar
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    very good

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