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Thread: Child's Death in the family....What do I do?

  1. #1
    Regular Member Brocks's Avatar
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    Default Child's Death in the family....What do I do?

    I received word that a 5 year old family member died suddenly last night. It has presented me with one hell of a dilemma.

    The child is the Step Grand-daughter of my brother. I only met the child 4 times at most. The problem is that when my parents died my family fell out big time. My brother and I have not spoken for 3-4 years and frankly thatís been fine. I wonít drag up all that history. We received the news from my sister in law this morning, and she was asked to pass on my brotherís phone number. Is it a sign he wants to talk?

    I feel I cannot punish the bereaved mother for the problems between my brother, his partner (and blood grand-mother to the dead child) and I. However, I remember when our last remaining aunty was in hospital recently and it didnít look good, They were the only family members to do naff all. Not even a call to her or a card.

    Its sad news and I feel for the family, but I donít feel any sense of loss. As I say I barely knew the child. At my fatherís funeral two years ago I learnt that the bereaved mother had another 2 year old child. The family didnít even announce the birth. I feel absolutely no compulsion to go to the funeral or contact the familyÖ.BUT they are family and I do have a sense of loyalty.

    What do I do?

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    Ex Vec-C Admin ed taylor's Avatar
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    I think it might help if you sent a bereavment card to the childs mom and dad. Difficult one about going to the funeral. I suppose you could "play it by ear". A sad loss to any parents to loos a 5 years old child.

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    I think you would be the bigger man if you contacted them first, just to send your condosencies and leave it at that, that way the ball is in there court if they want to keep in touch, if they decide not to keep in touch i wouldnt pursue it but at least you know you done your bit, and they cant talk about you for not contactingthem...all the best with it mate

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    Regular Member kdadidog's Avatar
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    lifes to short to fall out in my opinion. my mam and my uncle fell out for about 15 years which meant I never got to know him. He died just before christmas and that meant I really never spoke to him at all and my mother has regrets that she didn't contact him earlier. Family's need to stick together and if it means facing up to each other and sorting out the past then so be it. Hope all goes well anyway

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    Regular Member Flaninacupboard's Avatar
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    If the people involved want to talk to you then (assuming they know where you live/your phone number) then they will. If they don't, they won't.

    Life is far too short to worry about whether you might hurt someone's feelings by not ringing if you think you should etc. if they end up in a strop and falling out with you (as seems to have already happened) then it's definitely not worth the hassle of "building bridges", as inevitably they'll just get in a strop about something else.

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    Regular Member jlock's Avatar
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    If it was me i would send a card to the parents of the child, as the loss of a kid is horrible.
    My family is very split at the moment and im not enjoying it at all. I know you have had your differences in the past so to speak, but maybe just say you want to meet up with your brother for half an hour over a beer. I dont have any brothers or sisters but at least if you send an invitation for a beer then your making a move, then as people have already said the balls in his court. Then after you have met up even if you and your brother dont speak again at least youl know its what you want...

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    Send your condolences in a card is enough, imo.
    It is not necessary to feel personal loss, to understand and feel for a family that has lost a child.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LEW1S2006 View Post
    I think you would be the bigger man if you contacted them first, just to send your condosencies and leave it at that, that way the ball is in there court if they want to keep in touch, if they decide not to keep in touch i wouldnt pursue it but at least you know you done your bit, and they cant talk about you for not contacting them...all the best with it mate


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    my girlfriend's mother walked out when she was 2. she's 43 now and just found out her mum died 2 yers ago. she's gutted she never got to make the peace

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    Quote Originally Posted by ed taylor View Post
    I think it might help if you sent a bereavment card to the childs mom and dad. Difficult one about going to the funeral. I suppose you could "play it by ear". A sad loss to any parents to loos a 5 years old child.

    very sad but i think its times like these that pull people together

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