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Thread: Bar room classics: The Whale Joke

  1. #1
    Regular Member Spikey©'s Avatar
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    Default Bar room classics: The Whale Joke

    Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the
    ocean. Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance.
    He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father. Filled with
    anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that killed my
    father! Let's swim closer!"

    When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under
    the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a
    million
    pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this.

    So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew
    enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and
    crashed back
    to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

    The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the
    sailors were not dead, but floating clinging to pieces of wood in the
    ocean.

    The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still
    alive,but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the
    sailors!"

    That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said,
    "Oh no...I agreed to the blow job but I'm not swallowing the seamen."

  2. #2
    Regular Member david-bell's Avatar
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    good one

  3. #3
    Regular Member Spikey©'s Avatar
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    Default Bar Room Classics: The fly by the lake

    In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot,
    dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh, if I go down three
    inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

    There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down
    three inches I can eat him."

    There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down
    three inches, that fish will jump for the fly, and I will eat him."

    It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake
    preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly
    goes down three inches, and that fish leaps for it, that bear will
    expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have
    a proper trophy."

    You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but
    I can tell you there was more.

    A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes
    down three inches, and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear
    grabs for that fish, the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his
    cheese sandwich."

    A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was
    fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch
    time, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish jumps
    for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, and that hunter shoots
    that bear, and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich, then I
    can have mouse for lunch."

    The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the
    cooling mist of the water,
    The fish swallows the fly,
    The bear grabs the fish,
    The hunter shoots the bear,
    The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich,
    The cat jumps for the mouse,
    The mouse ducks, and
    The cat falls into the water and drowns.

    The moral of the story is:

    Whenever a fly goes down three inches,
    Some pussy is probably in danger!

  4. #4
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    truly AWFUL!!!! (but good!! )

  5. #5
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    PMSL at the both of them.

  6. #6
    Regular Member Caterman's Avatar
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    you really do need to get out more Neil

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    Admin plasma's Avatar
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    yes neil how is the 'professional' help going lol,

  8. #8
    Full Member VectraMat's Avatar
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    Well done mate! both good jokes.

    VXR Gone - Now in BMW 320cd M Sport Convertible

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