Life Help needed

[1234]

I have had to re-register as a new user, as my wife looks at this site too. I am a regular on this site, and those in the know could look into my IP address to see who I usually am. Please do not post my usual identity, or PM me about this thread.


I need some help from people who are usually quite free with advice. Namely you lot...

My wife of 12 years and I have decided to call it a day, and separate on speaking terms. We have children of school age, and a mortgaged house.

I left the family home over the weekend and am now living back with my mum, which is not ideal.

What I really want to know is help, advice and common pitfalls and traps lurking around.

I believe in fulfilling my reponsibilities, but want any settlement etc to be fair, considering new living expenses all round.

Who can I turn to, to offer the right help, support and advice?

I know some people on here have experienced this sad event before and can maybe help me.



Thanks for any help. 1234

[AJA]

Hi matey. I nearly went down this road a few years ago and was told never to leave the marital home. Apparently she can claim all sorts against you for leaving. I don't know the circumstances, but in my opinion you should of stayed.

I'm sure most solicitors offer a free half hour consultation, so that's probably your next step.

[Andy]

Sorry to hear this. RE your identity, your ip address is actually shared with quite a few users so even though only admin can trace ip's its still a bit vague who you actually are.

Regarding your problem, i think the first person to speak to regarding a settlement is your wife. If you have split on speaking terms then its quite likely that a fair settlement will be reached all round. The actual details of what everyone needs is for you to agree.

Even though your children are still school age, this will still hit them hard so money and property aside, make sure they still know they havent lost anything. They still have a mum and dad who both love them.

Without knowing all the details, is a split what you both really want? Have you consider speaking to someone like RELATE?

[JCB]

Not sure if solicitors operate the same in albania AJA?

I'm sorry to here about your split - my ma & pa split a few years back - it was a very civilised affair (unintended pun - sorry), which was best for eveyone - neither felt like they had to 'get one over' the other etc.

I would personally keep everything VERY civilised, a lot of women WILL take EVERYTHING, given cause or half a chance, and the courts etc nearly always back them up...

Good luck...BTW

[AJA]

Not sure if solicitors operate the same in albania AJA?

I have a sneaky suspicion that he's not in Albania. Try to hide his identity maybe???

[Andy]

bear in mind that 1234's wife also reads this website and as she is involved it wouldnt be too hard for her to work out who 1234 is. So please keep advise unbiased and respectful to all parties.

[AJA]

Well said

[Meriva OPC]

I can relate to your situatiuon (but I don't want to appear to lecture). I am in the army and always away from home. My wife and family are not english, so she feels like she does not belong. As a result there is a BIG wedge between us and we are also going down your route. From a family aspect never feel obliged to do the right thing because you have children. My kids are 8 and 3 and they do not want to see the arguing, the fights and the tears. And ultimately they never want to hear "and what about the kids what will we do with them" because they can never understand (irrespective of age) so if there is an atmosphere then one of you should leave (it sounds like you have) this gives your partner space and possibly a time to reflect.

This may sound stupid if you have already given up on the marriage, but you must try councilling. RELATE are very good for helping each partner. They do not sit you down and tell you they will save your marriage. They are not a one stop answer. But what they do help with, is giving you that reality check. If its over they will tell you how to split up without any animosity. If you can and want to save the marriage they wil guide you on how to do it. You just have to prepare yourself for what they have to say. They will tell you what is wrong with your marriage warts and all. In my case it was an eye opener cos I didn't have a clue how my wife felt and the answers came as a shock.

Above all how you handle yourself now will really help you (or damn you) for the future. If you remain positive and amicable with your wife then obviously your future will be good. This goes for years in the future when and if you meet somebody else, if you can hold it together now then future relationships will last longer than just a few dates because you will feel more in control with yourself.

If you start to loose it and become angry with yourself/wife for failing your kids then you will continue to do so in future relationships, you could begin a spiral downwards as you start to resent other peoples happiness and "why can't I be happy?"

I do not want to lecture but I can understand how you feel, you must communicate with your wife/kids and tell them everything - even if it is to say your not getting the car, microwave, fridge and TV (they were all my demands, she could have everything else Doh! ). Don't loose your temper or dignity (ie hand to hand combat in front of the kids - I am by the way a rational man) an finally best wishes for all of you

HTH

[Duncan]

Not sure if solicitors operate the same in albania AJA?

I have a sneaky suspicion that he's not in Albania. Try to hide his identity maybe???

I would think there's every likelihood he's not in Albania. Of course he's trying to keep his identity hidden the best he can.

[AJA]

Wise words Trophy Blue.

Again, I don't know your reasons but maybe time away is exactly what you both need? It worked for me and mine.