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Thread: Devorce?! Help!

  1. #1
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    Default Devorce?! Help!

    sorry to put this on here but don't know how else to ask (all my friends know my wife),

    both me and the wife are having troubles, and have been for a while. We have a 18 month old daughter and she is the only reason we are still together. We fight about everything and I am currently getting accused of having an affair with a work friend that I take to work, which nothing is going on with.

    I only work part time as I look after my daughter in the day and the wife looks after her after work.

    So money is not good, i hate my wife and drink alot! Do I stay for my daughter or do I go and get somewhere on my own and move on.

    Sorry but don't know where to turn and I'm sure with such a big community someone will be able to advise what to do.

    Thanks

    Jon

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    Regular Member mhvcbv's Avatar
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    sorry to hear that m8
    if you both still love each other then try and work it out but if not you are better of going your own ways now.
    do not stay together because of your little one. all that will do is upset child being around parents that hate each other.

    mark

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    Regular Member ballogie's Avatar
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    yeah, move on

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    Hi,
    Sorry to hear about your situation

    I agree with mhvcbv, but would add that perhaps you need to sit down and think about why you're both arguing so much. Perhaps the stress of money, recent bereavement, if you can hand on heart say it's nothing you are doing, then you can either ask your wife to do the same thing, or appreciate your wife not by going through something and perhaps biting your tongue would be the answer ( bit blunt, but hopefully you get what I mean)
    Perhaps you just both need to go out socially and get a babysitter in, even of only once a month, just seen a Tesco's advert where you can get cinema tickets for £3 worth of Tesco points (whatever that is, not sure how many that is), as you said money is short.
    If you can see no future though, perhaps you really should consider a trial seperation first, perhaps for a couple of weeks and take it from there. You both may just need some space.

    Neil

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    Forum Moderator Leemarksmith's Avatar
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    Hate her??, then move on... i've gone through phases in the past, but she doesn't turn me to drink and i can never say i've hated her...

    Sounds like you need a break 1st. then see how it goes. a month alone would do you good before a divorce. if still feel the same after, divorce i'd say...

    Would never stay with someone just for my child, you only prolonging the divorce till there 16/18 then....

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    Thanks that's what I was thinking, time to go.

    Edit: I only mean money is tight on my side, she works full time and is paid an o.k wage. I will have a last try at it tonight and see what comes of it, maybe time to visit relate. Thanks for all the info.
    Last edited by JonSRi150; 20th January 2010 at 23:39. Reason: Additional Info

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    Sorry to hear this mate...

    I got divorced when my son was 5. He's now 12. The fact that his mum and dad are no longer together, bothers him more that I ever imagined it could/would. Me and my ex have remained friends for his sake, and we have also managed to move on with our lives.

    I think if the marriage is unworkable, then divorce is unavoidable, but must be kept amicable now, during and after the event - for the sake of your daughter.

    Having said that, please involve your close family and friends - somtimes a mediator can help when communications have broken down. Also, try Relate ... i think they are in Forster Square in Bradford.

    You say you 'hate' your wife and argue about 'everything' ... usually there is a root cause for such feelings. Try to find this root cause, and focus all your energies on resolving that.

    I'm sure you love your daughter more than you hate your wife. In that context, give the marriage one last go.

    Best of luck.

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    Regular Member yorkshireborn's Avatar
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    all above plus it will cost u a hell of a lot more money to split than stay together

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    Being together will be the best thing for your daughter.... ONLY if you get sort out your differences.

    It's very common for relationships to becoming strained once a child is in the picture, couples forget that they married eachother NOT the child. Mommy/Daddy time becomes zero and things start to fall apart at the seams.
    Combine the above with the fact that we all have far too high expectations of what married life should be like, the reality away from what you see on TV is VERY different indeed and some people cannot accept this.

    Communication is the thing, you need to sit down and calmly talk about your problems without either of you getting on the defensive. This is why it helps to have someone else involved as a neutral 3rd party.

    Currently what your fighting is her friends opinions and trust me when I say that they are your WORST enemy, they know everything you do/say and they have a say in everything she does/says.
    For example, she innocently tells them your giving a work mate a lift to work.... They look at her with "that" look, she starts thinking stupid thoughts and that is literally ALL it takes for you to go from loyal husband to cheating barsteward

    It doesn't really work the other way around because guys dont generally have "heart to hearts" in the same way........

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    Quote Originally Posted by ShamusUK View Post
    Sorry to hear this mate...

    I got divorced when my son was 5. He's now 12. The fact that his mum and dad are no longer together, bothers him more that I ever imagined it could/would. Me and my ex have remained friends for his sake, and we have also managed to move on with our lives.

    I think if the marriage is unworkable, then divorce is unavoidable, but must be kept amicable now, during and after the event - for the sake of your daughter.

    Having said that, please involve your close family and friends - somtimes a mediator can help when communications have broken down. Also, try Relate ... i think they are in Forster Square in Bradford.

    You say you 'hate' your wife and argue about 'everything' ... usually there is a root cause for such feelings. Try to find this root cause, and focus all your energies on resolving that.

    I'm sure you love your daughter more than you hate your wife. In that context, give the marriage one last go.

    Best of luck.
    Any break-up is hard to get through and the longer you've been together, the tougher it is no matter how prepared you are.

    Speaking from experience been married 12 years and been together for 14 years. We've had up and downs, have two children.

    Relate is a good idea, money can put stress on any relationships/marriages. But glad that we worked things out and we stronger than before. Communication is very important and I turned to drink when having problems.

    If after relate it does not work, at least you know why the relationship has broken down ,and try to remain on speaking terms for your childs sake.

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